Staff at Bankstone’s attractive waterfront headquarters complex in downtown Brighouse were curious, earlier this week, to learn more about the contents of the dozen or so sealed cardboard boxes their glorious leader commanded them to load into the capacious rear end of his executive estate vehicle as he prepared to make the perilous transpennine journey to #BIBA2014.
“What’s in ‘em, Dickon?” one bold minion dared at last to ask. “Business cards,” replied Mr Tysoe with a knowing wink, “and plenty of ‘em!”
Exactly why he would require so many, no-one apparently thought or dared to ask. The reason, Bankstone News can now exclusively reveal, is that during the course of the two-day Manchester-based insurance broking conference, Mr T surreptitiously removed vast quantities of other people’s business cards from the various receptacles into they had been deposited in the hope of securing holidays, booze, gaming consoles, tablet computers and the like, removing them to a large laundry bag he carried with him for that purpose, and replacing them, from a second similarly capacious bag, with what he adjudged to be a similar quantity by weight of his own business cards.
Tysoe let slip the details of his plan only this very morning as he relaxed amidst the feature-wallpapered executive splendour of the Bankstone C-Suite, anticipating with somewhat unseemly relish the imminent and inevitable arrival by post of countless Magnae of budget fizz, X-Boxes, PlayStations, and weekends in Bruges.
Amazingly, he appears to have carried out his plan entirely unnoticed and without once being challenged by stand holders of security officials. Close inspection of CCTV footage, however, will almost certainly reveal numerous images of a furtive individual, cunningly camouflaged in a tight fitting grey suit, moving from stand to stand, staggering just a little from the weight of his bulging sacks, secretly seeking to subvert the process of prize-winner selection.
Armed with this knowledge, exhibitors who may initially have experienced some surprise at a certain lack of variety in the contact details provided by their competition entrants may now perhaps be in a position to form a clearer impression of the nature (and the enormity) of Dickon’s dastardly plan, the one fatal flaw in which, as more perspicacious readers may already have spotted, is his touchingly naive assumption that the names of conference prizewinners are actually drawn at random.
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