That’s right, that’s right, that’s right, that’s right. Mud can be a killer.

The Institute of Advanced Motorists says mud caused 696 accidents in 2008 on Britain’s rural roads.

“Mud on roads is particularly an issue around harvest time,” says IAM chief examiner Peter Rodger.

But staying alive is not entirely out of the question for motorists venturing beyond our city limits, he suggests guardedly, provided they “keep an eye out for indicators such as tractors in the fields and straw or tractor tyre marks on the roads.”

“Field and farm entrances,” he continues at the same easy pace, “or farm buildings by the roadside, are places where the landscape is giving us a clue that there could be a problem.”

A problem? What kind of problem? What do these sinister “clues” mean? “If you do find a small amount of mud,” he notes laconically, “be ready for more.”

OK (taking notes), small amount mud – prepare for more. Right, what next? “Be prepared to find yourself on a very slippery surface.” Prepare v. slippery surface. OK.

“If it rains, the result can be a very slippery film of mud, spread across the road.” Rain v. slippery – across road. This sounds really bad.

“Mud is an inevitable part of life in the country, and drivers should always expect it to be there.” That’s it: Bankstone News is never leaving town again.

“Keep away from the mud splattered up onto your windscreen,” Rodgers warns ominously. Why, is it toxic or corrosive or something? Is it still safe to use windscreen wipers? What if children or pets touch it by accident? Bankstone News is getting the fear!

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