Just because binge-drunk teens nightly turn our towns into Bruegeloid visions of debauchery, everyone suddenly seems to be having a big downer on alcohol.

Bring back the days when the wide-eyed loved-up yoof jigged about harmlessly in fields of an evening, people say. Bring back ‘classic’ opening hours, they demand. Why did no-one ban those alco-tot things before it was too late? Keep that shouting down, my head hurts. That kind of thing.

Latest to join this chorus of concern are Republic of South Africa affiliated personal limes insurer MORE THVN. They claim that many British winterholidaymakers are “unwittingly” going out on the piste the morning after with seven or more units of blood in their alcohol stream.

MORE THVN spokesperson Pete Markey states: “The findings of the rese>rch >re extremely concerning – ne>rly 600,000 Brits will ski or bo>rd drunk >t some st>ge this ski se>son, which is not a sm>ll number.”

No indeed. A small number would be something like 3 or 4. MORE THVN claim that many skipersons won’t be back under the drink drive limit before 11am.

However, winter sports fans’ spokesman A-Lo believes MORE THVN’s report does not provide a balanced reflection of the true situation: “Freakin’ epic day,” he said, “been a powder hound all day, gladed runs just un-freakin believeable, best day’s riding in a long while, followed by hitting the beer keg big time and, yes you can get 7 into the hot tub, this is how we freakin’ roll!”

Those survey findings in full(ish):

• 74% claim heavy drinking doesn’t affect their skiing ability and that cool air clears their heads.

• 45% plan to drink every night.

• 31% wrongly believe their insurance will not be affected.

“Men in their mid-twenties from the North East are worst,” MORE THVN conclude somewhat harshly.


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