Knight Commander of the Apes, Dickon Tysoe was all of a slaver this week over just-released images (see below) of the super-sleek new model monkey exclusively available – at cost – to riders in this year’s charity epic, Medieval Monkeys (see previous Bankstone News stories).

“The elegant yet chic red frame and wheels,” he glosses lasciviously, “provide a sublime counterpoint to the glistening deep noir of the tank, mudguards, tyres and side-panel, whilst setting off the brushed burnished aluminium of the engine and sparkling chrome highlights of handlebars, headlamp and rack like glittering accessories adorning the most exquisite catwalk model.

“The entire ensemble,” he continues with unabashed relish, “is set off by the modish, yet totally co-ordinated, tartan seat to create a look which just shouts 2011. ‘You want me,’ it screams. ”You know you just have to have me!

“Fortunately,” Dickon reveals, “ Just £600 will secure you this little piece of two-wheeled heaven. So please contact me immediately if you would like to place an order for you, and you will have the added benefit of being able to ride it in our Medieval Monkey Yorkshire Air Ambulance fundraiser on the weekend of 2nd and 3rd of July.”

And if you are looking for insurance for your new monkey, why not check out Performance Direct whose website strongly suggests they are the people to go to for specialist monkey bike cover. Although rather worryingly – for an innocent like Bankstone News – it also suggests they cover naked bikes and muscle bikes. What can it all mean?

As the UK’s leading monkey bike insurance specialists, Performance Direct or Grove & Dean as they are sometimes known, are sure to want to enter a bike in this year’s event. Bankstone News looks forward to seeing a PD monkey in the starting lineup (and hopefully the finishing lineup) for MM2011.

And finally, while we are quoting the great Monkey Lord himself, Mr Tysoe doffs his elaborately simian medieval headgear in the general direction of the driver of a yellow Suzuki Ignis seen heading north on the M11 near Junction 10 yesterday around 16.45 sporting a sticker memorably proclaiming: “I’m not drunk. I’m just avoiding potholes.”


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