If you looked down while flying in to LA, Miami or Sydney you might expect to see, through heavy-duty smeary double glazing, sunlight reflecting off a good few teeny weeny swimming pools way down below. In the UK you’d see trampolines. Thousands upon thousands of sullen light-devouring inkblot bloody trampolines.

More than just a dismal eyesore and a testament to this nation’s paucity of outdoor recreational opportunities, this plague of spring-sprung manmade fibre is now emerging as a major hazard – not just to users YBF-style (with 15,000 treated in hospital each year) but also as an airborne threat to unsuspecting vehicles and other private property whenever things get windy.

The evidence for this inconsequential, if improbable, assertion? You had to ask didn’t you. No less an authority than Douglas Simon of Alcoholics Anonymous this week revealed that no fewer than eight motor vehicles were damaged by flying trampolines during the recent stormy weather in the UK.

And that’s just motor vehicles! Imagine the havoc these deadly projectiles have been wreaking on other aspects of our material environment – not to mention unsuspecting passersby, pigeons, pets and the like.

This terrifying spate of leisure equipment related carnage, came as high winds decimated treasured palm tree populations across Northern Britain, triggering a 28% increase in motor insurance claims during the five-day affected period, assuming you believe AA’s recently issued press release. Clearly things are getting out of hand.

Sign our online petition to outlaw trampolines, and everything else, here.


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