As fantasies go, being a football manager with a measly £55m to spend on a building a Premiership beating team strikes Bankstone News as somewhat tame. But that hasn’t stopped a massive ‘quite a few’ people rushing to sign up for Insurance Times’ Fantasy League ahead of the first scored games tomorrow afternoon.

Have you signed up yet? It’s something you could consider if you’ve really nothing better to do! If you’re a bona fide broker (is there any other kind?) you might even win a prize for having made a less foolish choice of players than all those other idiots. But you need to register and pick your team before 12.45 tomorrow when John ‘I never called you a ****ing foulmouthed racist’ Terry and his teammates put their dreams of becoming the new Arsenal to the sternest of all possible tests.

Hell, even Bankstone News has entered a team in the I League this year, so you can be pretty sure of beating at least one other fantasy manager – although… with a team that includes Martin Kelly, Neil Taylor and Daniel Agger, perhaps we could be in with a chance after all!

And while you cheer your virtual team on from the comfort of your home office, or wherever you do such things, you might wish to deck yourself out in the colours of your favourite team (go on, you might, just for argument’s sake), and what better way to do this than in a slightly too-tight absurdly overpriced shiny new replica shirt?

Let’s face it, almost any other way would be better, wouldn’t it! But, – not to worry – Bankstone News has a sartorial solution especially selected just for you! What’s more we have a special offer to go with it! What’s even more again, our special sartorial solution works equally well – arguably even better – if you leave the house and go to an actual football match or something. Can it be true? Yes – read on to find out how!

That’s right, in the latest in our highly popular line of special offer discounts (which has previously brought you unrepeatable deals on Swiss chalets, non-stick paint, pistachio tools, and glamour galoshes (glamloshes, as we like to call them), we are now proud to announce that ALL Bankstone News readers (yes, even you!) are now eligible – for a limited period only – for a literally stunning 15% discount on the exciting new tasteful spectatorwear sensation that is the Appleberry scarf.

Applebury is the brain wave of somebody we met down the pub or something who spotted that 750,000 grown men and women attend professional football matches in the UK ten months out of every twelve – and most of them look frankly ridiculous. But you don’t have to – that’s the beauty of it! Appleberry make high-quality tasteful scarves in the colours of your favourite team – but without lots of badges and branding and stuff – so you’ll look like a nice respectable rugby fan, not some low-life football hooligan oik. Plus your neck won’t get cold!

It’s genius, basically – and you know you have simply have to have one this instant – so don’t delay – hurry to and order online quoting voucher code BS15 when you checkout to qualify for a full 15% (yes, FIF-TEEN per cent) discount on every neckpiece ordered. Tell ‘em Bankstone News sent ya!

Also great for meeting your friends for an impromptu picnic in a municipal park on a cloudy day or for walking over bridges in – see instructional video on the Appleberry website.


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