This week’s Bankstone News editorial conference went something like this. Lead story? It has to be balloons – no argument. Balloons are on fire this week. Second lead? Sex. Of course sex. You’ve got to have sex! And family breakups is a cinch for number three. Bish, bash, bosh. Badda bing, badda bang, badda Bankstone. Take that bad boy to the bank and weep!
But, hey, what about that Bankstone News story? What’s our Bankstone story this week? Football. Football? Yes football. Again? Yes again. Really? Yes really. Why football? You know very well why football. But what is there to say about football that we didn’t say last time? Think of something! Oh “think of something” – sure, I’ll just go away and “think of something.”
Bankstone News has no idea why we have to speak in ridiculous cod New York accents in editorial meetings. It’s just sort of a tradition.
So Bankstone News is thinking. Thinking a bit more. Still thinking. Then suddenly a brainwave: we can do this hilarious thing where we have, like, an insurance industry football team where all the names are a cross between those of premier league stars and well known insurance people. This is great. Ha ha ha. We can have Fernando Torrance up front. Ho ho ho. And er… er… (cut to half an hour later). Right, not that then.
OK, let’s type football and insurance into Google and see what we get. Here’s something: Pressure grows on insurer RSA to reveal the final solution to the untold Hillsborough story. Hmmm… let’s see… RSA has refused to waive its entitlement to privilege and allow the Independent Hillsborough Panel confidential access to its archives – raising suspicions, as one Labour MP put it, that “they have something to hide” and prompting mutterings about a Sun-style boycott of RSA products on Merseyside. Maybe not.
We could do an update on how Bankstone’s Brighouse Academicals Team have already romped to a commanding 1274th place in the Insurance Times fantasy football league – and maybe look forward to a weekend of absolutely nothing of interest happening in the domestic football calendar. No, we’re even boring ourselves now.
Maybe we’d better just cut to the chase and tell you that those upmarket non-branded football scarf things we mentioned the other week are still available at a massive 15% discount, which they are, and be done with it.
What upmarket non-branded football scarf things?, you may ask. Why these ones:
“The famous Appleberry scarf allows the wearer to show pride in their football team in an understated and classically British style. Traditionally made in Saxony wool and hand-finished, Appleberry scarves come in the colours of all of England and Wales’ favourite football clubs.
“Made in England and 100% unofficial, the Appleberry scarf is totally free of club badges and sponsors and manufacturers logos; it’s a design classic that looks as good on your way to the pub or the office as it does at the match.”
Simply order online, quoting voucher code BS15 when you checkout, to qualify for a full 15% (yes, FIF-TEEN per cent) discount on every neckpiece ordered.
In the meantime, please send your suggestions for next week’s hilarious “insurance industry football team where all the names are a cross between those of premier league stars and well known insurance people” feature to email@example.com