There was great excitement in Bankstone’s Brighouse offices this week at the news that the body in the Leicester car park has indeed been identified as none other than Bankstone’s own Dickon “The Third” Tysoe.

A III-D reconstruction of the much maligned late King’s face (see image below) revealed an uncanny resemblance to the Bankstone man – even down to a hint of the latter’s trademark vanity specs.

Tysoe has not been slow to wade into the controversy over where his former incarnation should be reiiinturd. “It was my clearly stated wish that my old bones, or such of them as remain,” Dickon told Bankstone News, “should be buried in York.”

The 11,000 Yorkshire folk who’ve signed a petition to have him re-planted in York Minster – against a paltry couple of hundred who’ve signed one to keep him in Leicester – clearly agree. But it seems the frock-clad mafia have hatched some shady deal amongst themselves, and York Minster have turned the bones away saying: “We commend Richard to Leicester’s care”.

But why would anyone want to buried in Leicester? Why, for that matter, would anyone want to spend an afternoon there, let alone a miserable 528 years?

York would put Dickon among his own people, close to his childhood home at Middleham Castle and his son Ted Prince of Wales’ final resting place at Sherriff Hutton. “It’s a no brainer,” says Dickon, who, let’s face it, is well placed to recognise one of those.

Although, obviously, only in his former incarnation!


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