So now those miserable killjoys at the FCA are cracking down on live entertainment, fine dining and sport are they? Not content with requiring brokers to jump through a veritable Olympics Corporate Identity Manual of anti-bribery compliance hoops, they are now quite seriously suggesting – according to various compliance consultancy services salesmen – that brokers should think twice before accepting lavish corporate hospitality from insurers. In future, according to Tez Clark of Robin Hood Associates, brokers will need to be able to “justify” everything from golf days to nights out at girly bars.

Meanwhile media-shy compliance guru Branko Bjelzebub – an individual so well known in the world of insurance compliance that most people now refer to him simply as Mr Bjelzebub – says he thinks that high profile anti-bribery fines recently handed out to the likes of JLT Special Tea by the regulator don’t go far enough.

“Only by seeing the pain of other brokers will the rest of the industry learn,” he observes dispassionately, in no way motivated by the desire to scare brokers into employing his services. “I don’t think the penalties are severe enough,” he says, adding bitterly: “and don’t forget they get a 30% discount if they co-operate with the FCA. If you’re caught speeding, you don’t say to a policeman: ‘Here’s some cash, now let’s a do a deal’.”

“Here’s some cash, now let’s do a deal,” incidentally, is one of the key things not to say if you you don’t want to be accused of bribery and corruption. As, sadly, nowadays is “Here’s an invitation to the men’s final at Wimbledon, now let’s do a deal.”


Where has everybody gone?


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