Reliably first with tales of extraterrestrial intrusion, The Daily Telegraph claims increasing Solar radiation will soon cause satnav melt down around the world.

Old folks may just about cope thanks to a primitive technology know as MAPS, with which many of their number are still broadly conversant. Younger persons, however, will almost certainly go missing or crash.

The Torygraph claims that satnavs caused 300,000 crashes last year. It also claims that 1.5 million people admitted to “performing sudden direction changes because they were following the devices’ directions.”

Bad enough to be going on with, you might think. But just wait ’til giant-size solar flares begin a-lickin’ and flickerin’ round those satellites, and then see what craziness ensues!

Positional inaccuracies and total failures caused by solar interference could cause problems – not just for drivers but for emergency services, high-precision surveys, shipping and even potentially aircraft control. On the plus side, the military will have a great new excuse for friendly fire and civilian deaths.

Bob Cockshott of the government-funded Digital Systems Knowledge Transfer Network (or Disykntrn as it’s known) told the Telegraph the problem would be “troublesome.” “You might find for a number of hours or even a day or two you couldn’t go out surveying or be able to dock your oil tanker at the deep-ocean oil well,” he said.

Oh well, you could always nip down the pub or take the dog for a walk ‘til things blow over and then try again.

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