The House of Commons Transport Committee is unimpressed with HMG’s recent bike test regime changes.

Shutting smaller local test centres in favour of larger centralised Multipurpose Test Centres was – like an old, useless and cataract-afflicted Rudolf bludgeoned slowly to death by candystick-wielding elves – a bad idea badly executed.

The Committee’s report found that implementation of the new Multigrow Compost Centres has – like Rainbow’s Geoffrey in his too-alluring knitwear – been bungled.

Now – like decent jokes in Bankstone News – the centres are too few and too far apart, resulting – like the non-availability of specially adapted ICC-approved cricket-cycles – in delays to the launch of the new bike test.

Committee Chairbeing, Louise Ellman MP commented, “Many candidates and trainers now have to travel too far for their motorcycle test. This adds to the cost, and in some cases, exposes candidates to fast and dangerous roads on the way to a test site before they have even taken their test. The Driving Standards Agency needs to give much greater priority to customer service and convenience for test candidates and trainers.”

Some have argued that there was “nothing wrong with the old way of doing things” and that “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, I always say.” But the committee accepted that a revised test regime was needed following the introduction of new European legislation.

It did however feel that the Government had maybe got a bit carried away and that – like the hairy bloke from Joy of Sex – it had perhaps been guilty of “gilding the lily” by over-elaborating the test through the introduction of “more manoeuvres than is strictly required.”

“Motorcyclists make up just 1% of road users,” noted Ms Ellman, “but account for 19% of deaths and serious injuries on our roads.” Like someone who realises that the moment for long-winded would-be humourous similes may have passed, we’ll simply tell you that the committee thought it would be a good idea if the Government collected some “robust and reliable data” on motorcycle deaths and injuries – including those taking place during (or on the way to?) tests. If there turn out to be a lot of the latter, the committee suggested, another test re-think might be a good idea.

It’s like common sense gone crazy!

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