Flying the flag for England could be hastening the climate change apocalypse, experts warn.

Yes, according to the AA website, those apparently innocuous little ensigns can increase fuel consumption by between 3 and 6 miles per gallon – i.e. one extra litre of fuel per hour, assuming an average of 70mph (coincidentally the precise average speed Bankstone News maintains around town).

King Edmund of AA conceded generously that “Drivers are entitled to show their support for their team by flying the flag, but should ensure that flags are well secured and do not distract or endanger other road users such as horse riders.” King Edmund, it seems, is no more a friend of modernity than Prince Charles of Wales.

“I don’t think people need worry too much about poorer fuel consumption,” he snorted dismissively, “as most drivers are likely to be driving less during the World Cup.”

Dr Antonio Filippone of Manchester University School of Mechanical, Aerospace and Civil Engineering claims that 500,000 drivers flying flags will create 2.8m kg of carbon dioxide emissions due to a phenomenon known as flag drag.

The net effect could be up to 1.22 million extra litres of extra fuel burned during the World Cup – enough to melt three polar ice caps – and the earth, remember, has only two.

Those who lean in a green direction should be sure to cheer on Algeria this evening and help put a stop to the flag drag carbon emission terror.


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