As regular readers will know, Bankstone News doesn’t do jokes. But we don’t have a problem if other people want to do them for us.
Regular readers will also doubtless be familiar with all of the following mildly entertaining excerpts from a widely circulated list of 50 Things We Learned From The Movies.
Here’s your chance to read them all over again (only with the dodgy grammar and inelegant phrasing fixed, for what it’s worth).
We would love to acknowledge the original author(s), but we’ve no idea who they are. Traditional, Unknown, Apocryphal, or someone like that probably.
- All vehicles burst into flames when they crash
- To drive a car, simply swing the steering wheel from side to side while looking at your passenger
- You can easily reach any part of any building via the ventilation system, which also makes a perfect hiding place when cornered
- Anyone waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant
- One man shooting at 20 has a better chance of killing someone that 20 men firing at one
- To pass yourself off as a Nazi, a German accent alone will suffice
- You can see the Eiffel Tower from every window of every building in Paris
- When paying for taxis, simply hand over a random note from your wallet – amazingly, it will always turn out to be the exact amount required
- Bombs have giant red on black digital displays showing to the second the time when they’ll go off
- All mothers make elaborate breakfasts that no one has time to eat
- You can always park right outside any building
- Detectives can only solve crimes once suspended from duty
- Car tyres can screech and burn even on gravel or sand
- Having any kind of job will make you to miss your child’s birthday
- All single women have cats.