An it’s a hard. It’s a hard. It’s a ha, ha, ha, ha, hard. Yeah, it’s a hard rain… that’s gonna fa-a-a-a-all. Thusly did suavely swarthy Brian Ferry render musical homage to rasping Robby Zimmerman way way back in the day. And now road-safety-to-pet-foods specialists IAMs are saying something distinctly similar.

IAMs chief inquisitor Pete Rodgerer reckons we could be in for a right royal downpour now that the premature British summer has run its course. “Rain after a long period of dry weather makes the road surface extremely slippery,” he noted with relish. Apparently it’s something to do with “a combination of oil, loose gravel and dried rubber.”

Sensibly declining to speculate on how all this gravel is getting loose in the first place, Pete goes on to offer some timely tips for aquaphobic motoristas. When you are in the middle of a shower you should “slow down to the point where you can stop within the distance you can see to be clear.” Might be time to sign up for that Plain English refresher course, Pete.

Mr Rodgerer does seem to be strangely well informed, however, about the condition of the Bankstonenewsmobile. “Think about replacing those dodgy windscreen wipers that have been smearing for a while,” he suggests, not a little impertinently. “Fresh wipers will help you cope with unexpected showers,” he continues, noting that using washing up liquid instead of screen wash causes “needless smears.”

“Dead flies,” he rambles on incontinently, can “also smear horribly when wipers are used” “especially during the summer months.”

Is that it? Has he quite finished? No not quite…

“If the weather is causing flash floods,” he says, you should ask yourself whether “you really need to make the journey right now?”

Bankstone News is more confused than ever now. If it’s not the weather doing causing flash floods, who could it be?

A case for M&S, perhaps…


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