Has anyone seen £25m? That is the sum apparently misplaced by Bath-based redundant fleet-ownership specialist Helphire. During a recent bout of restructuring, the firm reportedly noticed a bit of discrepancy between what its operational and financial systems reckoned was due from ABI debtors. This amounted to a ‘material overvaluation’ of £25m. Now KPMG has been brought in to see if they can work out what happened to the missing money which amounts to 15% of total receivables.

Helphire is having a bit of a tough time – shares down 60%, that sort of thing – primarily, it claims, because people are simply not having enough accidents. “The effects of record high petrol prices and the general economic climate,” commented Helphire’s Sir Francis Dashwood, “have continued to contribute towards lower road miles being driven, resulting in lower accident rates. This in turn has led to a shorter than normal hire duration as body shop capacity outstrips demand and vehicles are repaired quicker.”

Analyst Pierre Matédy comments: “Helphire have two choices at this time. They can do nothing and watch the situation deteriorate or they can get out there and make some accidents happen. This is the hour for resoluteness. Only a dead fish goes with the flow.”

How Bankstone News’ uncanny predictions all came true – follow the full story here:

Jan 6 2009

Feb 12 2009

Apr 23 2009

May 15 2009

July 15 2009

Nov 18 2009

Jan 20 2010

“Have you been modelling long?”


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