Kill. Kill. Kill, the compensation culture, Douglas Simon of Alcoholics Anonymous urged Prime Minister David Cameron this week, according to Insurance Times. By a happy coincidence, it seems Mr C is more than happy to oblige.

Compensating people for their genuine losses, when they’ve faithfully paid their premiums, is all well and good, but – in an age where morals have sunk so low that “even MPs” milk the system for all they can get (e.g. some extra expenses) – a vast and sinister parasitic mould has bloomed upon on the sweetly beneficent surface of the insurance industry that somehow encourages large numbers of previously blameless people to take fraudulent advantage of insurers’ innocent generosity.

Such times clearly call for militant rhetoric. And no doubt there was plenty of that being bandied about at Mr C’s special Valentine’s Day Downing Street compensation culture summit, where representatives from Admiral, AXA, Cooperative Insurance, RBSI, Uvavu, Zurich and the ABI heard all about the Government’s plans for hitting the Compensation Culture – and hitting it good.

Here’s how it will all go down. First up: if there’s one kind of claim Mr C can’t abide it’s a trivial claim: “I want to stop trivial claims,” he said, adding that he is also going to clear up all the red tape and trivial health and safety nonsense that gets in the way of low-cost carefree capitalist enterprise.

Turning specifically to the personal injury engine that plays such a key role in driving the compensation culture, Mr C said he would ban whiplash claims below a certain speed (say, 30mph?), ban trivial claims, and ban claims without multiple medical certifications. He also said he would make lawyers wear caps that prevent them earning large sums of money from personal injury claims. So they’ll hopefully go off and do something less antisocial instead.

He also suggested that everyone should have a special “smart box” in their car that shows whether they are driving nicely and deserve to have cheap car insurance or whether they drive badly, go to bad places, contravene speed limits, conduct extramarital affairs, cheat on their expenses etc and deserve to be declared an enemy of the state and detained indefinitely without trial.

That should do it.

Mr Blue


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