There is no Bankstone story this week. Just because you are reading it, you might innocently assume that there is. There is not.

Why? Because the feckless and frankly bone idle editor refuses to write anything. Might it not, you counter suspiciously (what is it with you and all this suspicion?!), might it not simply be because there is nothing of interest to report about leading outsourced professional claims handling firm Bankstone this week?

It might most emphatically not! There have been plenty of very interesting and newsworthy developments at Bankstone this week – not to mention the exemplary ongoing story of sustained professional excellence that is the Bankstone day to day (something amply attested by the habitually bulging sacks of Derren Winkshaugh who collects up all the gushing letters the firm receives from amply satisfied clients and their customers).

No indeed. We could tell you about the latest bizarre costumes Bankstone bossman Dickson Tythebarn has been squeezing into for some supposedly good cause or other – or where the ever-mysterious and illusive Andrew “Andy” Jones has disappeared to this week (if only we knew). But, no, our abject apology for a so-called editor simply can’t be bothered to lift a finger, place it on a keyboard, lift, repeat etc.

All the worthless b*gger does is stare listlessly at the old newspapers, pork scratchings packets, and other accreted detritus that lies inches deep across most of his sticky-surfaced desk, taking occasional swigs from a hip flask he probably thinks we haven’t noticed and tunelessly humming the theme to 1960s childrens TV import the Flashing Blade. Maybe someone should wander over and give him a prod or a kick or something. He’s never going to get anything written that way!


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