Did we mention we are doing this charity fundraising monkey bike ride thing on the weekend of the 29th? Well, we are. And you might not care about that. But a lot of decent hard working people do care very much!. And that’s something you might want to reflect on for a moment before you go swanning off for a weekend that doesn’t involved crouching over the handle bars of a stupidly tiny motorcycle whilst the charming Yorkshire countryside slides by in a rain-soaked blur of oily puddle-splash and toxic exhaust fumes. Frankly the very least you can do before accepting some trumped up better offer of overseas travel, 25th anniversary, scheduled minor operation, lavish corporate away day or whatever is to visit www.justgiving.com/medievalmonkeys and assuage your guilty conscience with a handsomely adequate online cash donation.

That’s right, you might not want to hear another word about how preparations for this year’s two-day charity ride are going – but what makes you think you have the right to spoil it for everyone who does?! Do you seriously imagine your callous indifference doesn’t hurt. Well it does hurt. It hurts quite a lot actually! You should be ashamed of yourself. So just shut the hell up for a minute so we can tell everyone else – all those decent respectable folks who perhaps haven’t had the same social advantages or conveniently pre-arranged appointments as you – about all the latest news and gossip from the Medieval Monkeys 2013 Brighouse-based command HQ. There’s not that much really, which is why we are padding this out with a slew of righteous vitriol. Anyway, here goes:

Following the tragic demise of former Bankstone News contributor and MM2012 lead car driver Marty Butch in a freak electrical accident, head monkey Dickon Tiesaw has approached Marty’s erstwhile cohorts at Copart to ask whether any of them would like to step into the sadly vacated shoes of the freak in question and help make up the numbers. We await their creative excuses in due course. The lead car driver role, happily, is already taken. Neil Howden, illustrious sales director at Premex Rehabilitation, has kindly offered to put his own motor car and his life on the line to lead the monkeys round the winding lanes of Yorkshiremanshire. Roles still to be filled, however, include driving the support van at the tail end of the convoy, standing in for the sadly absent town cryer (i.e. bellowing enthusiastically at every stop and attempting to encourage donations), and – perhaps most excitingly – dressing up as Yorkshire Air Ambulance’s new mascot Heston the Helicopter.

If you think you have what it takes to carry out one of these demanding but deeply rewarding roles, don’t delay. Contact Dicko Thaithong today at [email protected]



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