Quite honestly, there’s not much going on in the world of Bankstone this week – aside from peerless outsourced motor insurance claims handling and, of course, the usual near-fanatical dedication to exceeding customer expectations in every conceivable respect. And, frankly, who wants to hear about that!

So we thought we would tell you about a funny thing that happened to me and Mrs Bankstone News the other night. We were all dressed up and ready to head across town to a murder mystery evening upstairs at the Badgers (I was going as Sir Percival Cobwrangler and Mrs B as Mistress Lusty the saucy landlady, if you must know) and Abdul from Ultimate Courtesy Cabs had just pulled up outside.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Brighouse is a lovely place and that, but you’ve got to watch yourself round here, so we left a few lights on and the telly on nice and loud and tottered outside. “Evening, Abdul”, I called out. “Good Evening, Mr Bankstone News,” he smiled back through the open driver’s window.

Just then, the cat ran under our feet and back inside the house. She’s a lovely animal, but she’ll shit all over everything if you let her. “I’ll be back in a jiffy,” I said, dashing off in hot pursuit.”

“He’s just gone in to say goodnight to Mother,” explained Mrs B, getting into the cab. Abdul’s a lovely bloke, but his cousins keep getting done for housebreaking and it’s best not to give anyone round here the idea you’ve left the place empty.

A couple of minutes later I got in beside Mrs B puffing and panting and complained: “The stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her out! Finally, I got her by the neck, wrapped her in a blanket so she couldn’t scratch me like last time, and threw her in the yard. Let’s just hope she doesn’t shit all over the vegetable patch again.” 

Abdul’s a lovely bloke, like I say, but I remember he did look at me a bit funny, and he didn’t say much on the way over to the Badgers. Mrs B didn’t say much either, but she had a right go at me when we got there. How was I supposed to know she’d been busy lying her arse off while I was chasing cats?

Any road up, it didn’t stop us getting burgled.

And that cat got back in.



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