So busy was Post Magazine’s fictional reporter Penny Black snaffling freebies at a recent press event that she‚ like certain fleet drivers implicitly censured in a recent press statement from Aviva (see separate story)‚ neglected to take proper notes.

Penny was at what she breathlessly described as “the decadent Connaught Hotel in Mayfair” for a press briefing from Home & Legacy on the SmartWater Theft Prevention System being offered to all new and renewing Home & Legacy policyholders.

Congratulating herself on picking up “more freebies than she managed to collect from a full three days at the British Insurance Brokers’ Association conference,” Penny was seduced by a handsome waiter’s offer of unlimited free jam.

Such was her rapture at this confiturial cornucopia that she inadvertently re-christened Home & Legacy managing director Barry O’Neill as Brian. Truth, as they say if the first casualty of an indecent fixation on fruit preserves.

SmartWater, by the way, is a forensic property marker with a unique chemical  code’. It can be applied to anything deemed of value from jewellery to electrical items (to jam), is virtually impossible to remove (or digest), and provides irrefutable evidence of ownership.

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